Just a Test
by animegafan123
Summary: If she was to be asked why she did it, Hinata will deny it completely. But the truth was there and no one knew so that  wouldn't happen. When your whole being goes numb and crave to feel something, anything. Even if its pain. What would you do?


**A/N:** It's been so long since I gave it a shot at fanfiction. Honestly I was having weird ideas in my head for a while but was too busy to do anything with them. And so, today I had off and this idea came to my mind. Since it didn't _hurt _anybody I decided to write it.

Soo yeah!.. I was initially thinking on making it a oneshot but don't know… Should I? Continue it, I mean.

Well… I really hope anyone like it, I know its quite weird. Its narrated from Hinata's POV but she doesn't mention ANY names. Actually through the story I didn't want to write names… except for one. Well… umm I apologize for any mistake. And yeah I do NOT own Naruto… If I did then there would be hell to pay.

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><p>The first time it was to test the waters.<p>

Nothing serious. Nothing big.

I did it in the bathroom, while I was taking a shower. I still can't tell if it was built frustration or just to seek a release, a test for myself… I think I will go for the last.

I was shaving my legs, as usual habit goes. The water drops hit my skin and every bit of my hair clung to my body and face. It was a monotone routine, as it goes for everything in my life. The razor in my hand was inviting and I read about it a while ago… "Just to see if anyone cares", I told myself.

It was as if I was in a trance, one minute staring at my legs and the next pressing the razor just a tiny bit harder than normal. Blood came out, the sting caused by the hot water made me realize I, indeed, cut myself and a sense of foredoom came over me… I was hyperventilating but managed to calm down…

_This is just a test_

I didn't cover the wound -_It __was__ a test, after all_- and the results were overpoweringly boring. No one noticed anything. Not even when a bit of my skin was off. _No one cares._

_As expected_. I shrugged and continued with my life.

The second time was when I failed a class. Funny thing how parents tend to act as if they _care_ only when something bad happens. It was hilarious, actually. Each scream and insult made their perfect little masks crumble into little pieces, showing their true, hideous, face. It was like watching a freak show.

_Oh, the thrill!_

I stopped feeling thing gradually. Even though I kept acting happy in front of everyone –playing my part in the freak show, I would tell myself- Everything just seemed _dull_. It was as if I wasn't alive anymore and that thought, surprisingly, startled me. I _craved_ for a feeling, _ANY_ feeling.

So I did it. I cut myself.

It wasn't like the normal "emo" phase. U wasn't crying for attention. I didn't _want_ to die. I just wanted to feel  and through this way I got what I wanted. I felt it. The pain.

It was hurting. It sting. It made me feel _alive_

It was amazing, actually. One tiny cut is all it took to remind me I was human. _I could feel_… So I did it again.

The cuts weren't deep. It was practical. Not too light so it will last but not too deep or it would leave a scar. My family didn't ask when I started wearing wristbands. I had a secret that could _destroy_ our reputation –having a masochistic daughter, _the horror!_- just beneath a cloth and they were totally oblivious about it. _It was thrilling._

This went for a while. My life was a pitch of dark –purple, I imagined… I always liked that color anyway- and I was used to it.

Until _he _came

Bright orange light. A sun. A blazing ray that illuminated everything and gave me hope… There I had it, another feeling. I didn't need to remind me I was human anymore. I _could_ feel.

But as soon as my body started to feel the warmness of this sun, it disappeared. Crushed. Boom. A supernova. The fact that he was in love with someone else –a beautiful cherry blossom _to boot_- was too much and the crumbling pieces that were my hopes hit me with the ferocity of asteroids.

And so I went back to my darkness. It was soothing, really. To know I'd always have this rotten little space for myself.

Soon, the need of feelings came back and the tiny blade was too inviting. And so the cycle was back on course.

_The show just has to keep on going, after all._

Every time I saw my sun's look towards his dream girl I felt my body shake. It was strange, because I felt nothing, really. I was way past any sorrow or grave.

It continued like that. Him pinning after her like a lost puppy. Her, rejecting him as if he was trash. And me, the spectator of this overrated play.

Some time passed. Months? Days? I can't be sure but one day, during class, while I was looking outside the window my teacher's words called my attention.

"So I want you to be nice to him, since he is new, and help him if he need it", the teacher told us.

He moved to the door and opened it, letting the transfer student pass.

"His name is Uchiha Sasuke", the teacher started but his voice just went ignored by my brain.

I didn't pay attention to his words.

Or the squeals my fellow classmates gave.

Not even the grunt coming from some guys, bright sun included.

Oh no, nothing at all. Because in front of me was standing the most shocking view I've had in my life. I couldn't ignore him.

It wasn't his looks or his height. No, what called my attention was _his eyes._

They were dark. So empty… _Exactly like mine._ He held my eyes and I know we just stared at each other for a while. I saw recognition in his face and my heart, that I thought was long dead, _thumbed._

It surprised me. It amazed me and I was somehow scared of it.

After all, He was like me.

And just like that, my whole world turned upside down.


End file.
